Letting the Music Back In

Hello music, it's me again.

I know I've left my Ipod dormant while reading on the subway in the morning. I know I haven't been putting you on when I'm lounging around the house or when I need a distraction at work, but I've had my reasons.

I've never been a music-in-the-background kind of girl. The concept of putting music on just to ignore it has always escaped me...what's the point? If I'm not singing or dancing along I have trouble putting it on (or maybe the reverse is true, I have trouble not singing and dancing along when I put it on). I never knew that the biggest sacrifice of giving up my car to live in New York would be the loss of the perfect, private space to blast a good song and sing at the top of my lungs. Now my life is often noisy and often crowded.

But I haven't been keeping you out to spare my neighbors or my husband or even because I'm too busy. The real reason I've kept you out is that I haven't been doing much for myself lately, and in my mindset of getting from day to day I've been missing the larger picture of what I need to be happy.

I need you, music.

And last week, I found you again. My friend encouraged me to go out for an audition for Candide at a locale theater troupe. I put off preparing an audition and almost didn't go, but at the last minute I pulled something together, marched out the door, and after three hours of listening to other auditions (and about 4 million renditions of "Poor wand'ring one"--all dull as hell) the music was flowing through me and the high E-flat I'd worked into the end of my piece happened effortlessly. By the time I got home, the floodgates were open again. I pulled out every musical theater anthology I owned and sang every song I knew until about 1am. I sang my husband to sleep, and then I kept going. I haven't gone a day without singing since.

Welcome back.